How can I know it’s really my choice?

Sometimes when I sit here,usually when I’m alone, my mind wandering off. Its playing the game of what if and is it real? This game can take a long time and so far I haven’t become the winner. But one thing is for sure,and that’s the side effects of this mind game.

Everyday a new decitions has to be made or several choices are in front of you. And after it’s all done you might think…was it right? Dis I make this decitions myself or did anyone lead me to them?

I’m not sure how to put this since this is right from my head and as usual it sounds smarter up there.. But things don’t always end up good or how you think. And in my case it feels like that’s almost never! Like it’s totally out of my control. Always someone else to consider or I really don’t trust myself enough?

They say you shouldnt care to much about what other people say. But we all know that’s something most of us do. I do care. To much! And I guess that’s why I get so angry, jealous and sad when I’m once again the losing team.

Of course I have some people I always put first, like my kids. But what happens when I put myself last? I walk around tired, sad, angry, confused and still looking for approval that I’ve made the right choice.

I know I’m a kind and compassionate person who can be there for most people and let myself go. I forget that the most important person actually is me. If I’m not feeling okay I can’t help anyone else. I forgive to much and I push myself to a limit where I explode. And the poor people around me didn’t know what hit them.

So you trust yourself and your own decisions?

Or do you make them based and what you’ve been told or think the society or friends, family etc expect from you?


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