It’s 1.30 am and I just can’t sleep. I know why and I’m just sick of it… How can I sleep when my mind is pissed, sad and stressed off all that’s going on?
I’m sad because today the vacation with my kids was over. 5 days and now I have to wait over 2 months to see them again. It has been like this for many years now, but how I feel never change. It’s a feeling of loss over and over. We had so many nice moments and to kiss them goodnight and be able to hug them whenever I want is priceless . We visit family and we did what we wanted to do. And now there’s so quiet here.
I’m stressed because my life is changing… again.. and it was chosen for us in so many ways. (There will come an update on this). I don’t know where to start and I really feel helpless. I try to keep my head over water , be a good mom, girlfriend, friend and still fix all that needs to be done. No wonder I slowly feel the energy being drained bit by bit…
I’m so freaking strong and I had success with two jobs now. I still have them but the rest of my life is a complete mess. All I touch these days gets broken.
I know a lot of this sounds stupid, but it’s my feelings!
It’s not that easy to share all this with everyone. I’m almost 40 and I don’t own anything. I wish for a home, some stability and just feel safe that it will all end well. But it’s not all up to me. So many factors has to be taken to consideration and I have to follow my heart and use my brain at the same time. Not my biggest strength I’ll say.
I don’t have that much rough anxiety, but I’m in more physical pain. You know, the usual with headache, chest and stomach ache. Dizziness and nausea. Yes, all the good stuff that anxiety brings along. This is so familiar to me, that it’s like it becomes “normal”. Get more surprised if there’s one day without.
I guess to write a post in the middle of the night can really reveal a lot and my mind is not thinking clear . I wanna sleep, like the snoring man beside me who fell asleep in 10 seconds.
I will be writing a blog post real soon about what’s really going on and then you might get the idea.
And if you have any good advice on how to get more sleep , plz share!!!