I just had to break down a little today…

Damn… it felt good.. just to break down and cry a bit. My state of mind is a big yes, no, hot, cold or whatever right now!!! What I do know is that I’m not good. I’m not ok and I have to act on it and let myself feel whatever this shit brings along.

We all know from time to time we can meet a bump that makes us either puke or be dizzy for some time. It’s when the ride becomes a never ending stupid ass rollercoaster and some lame know it all is in control , that’s when the rough times begin.yeah yeah I know I use a lot of silly metaphors, but you get the picture right?

My point is right now I have zero control. Not over my days, feelings, future. Non! Zero! And my head is screaming for some answers, and I can’t seem to calm myself down so instead I end up in this nasty anxiety attacks. Again! I thought I was passed those. I was so much better and after this virus came along my triggers went in full alarm again.

Today I was driving with my husband and suddenly I couldn’t feel my arm. So I had to pull over and let him take over the driving. This was so creepy. And then I couldn’t breath, my tears just started flowing and I felt so afraid. Luckily my husband knows how to handle me so he just talked and holding my hand made me calm down.

But it felt good to have this in a way. To loose it completely and see it didn’t take over. I guess I am better than before since I regained control faster then I ever used to. I get tired , angry and upset but still I handle it!!!

Hope this lockdown won’t last to long. It’s especially hard on us who already struggle , but we will make it!!! Hope you all are doing good and bless all❤️❤️❤️

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