I feel bad for missing Malta !

Almost everyday I catch myself thinking and dreaming about going back to the only place I’ve ever felt was home to me. Malta really fulfilled me in a way I can’t even start to describe. Just to see a picture or a Facebook memory makes my stomach turn.

So why do I feel so bad about missing this beautiful island so much? Well it’s pretty easy though: because of my kids! I had to come back to them here in Norway even though they haven’t lived with me for over 7 years on a daily basis. It’s been a nightmare to meet them on the street and not be able to take them home. Like having your heart ripped out of your chest over and over.

When I lived in Malta I traveled back and forth to be with them every other mont, because that was all they would allow me to. ( the child protective services) But still so many people told me I was abandoning them….

Before you think that oh my god she was bad for her kids, I can tell you that wasn’t the case. I asked for help because I needed my kids to be taken care of while I was really mentally ill. And after 2 years they took the kids basically and started treating me like I had neglected them.

So I went to Malta to give myself a new start and I did. I got so much better. I even managed to work again and the weather really helped my fibromyalgia. Warm and sunny days with the freedom to be just me. No one there knew my past or my issues. I felt free.

Now that I’m back in Norway it’s been good for me and the kids but I am still not allowed to see the two youngest more than before. And it’s hard. So I guess Malta is my runaway train. And it hurts to not be able to be there. I miss my friends, the small cafes and omg the food.

If I ever get the chance I will do anything in my power to go back. But that’s after all my kids are adults. (5 years from now) So I kinda know I’m not gonna be away forever, but it feels like it.

When you’re 5 min away from your kid and can’t put him to bed, help him with his homework etc , it feels so waste of time to sit here for 9 weeks and wait between the visits.yes that’s how long it is🥺

So I guess I just have to live with my constant bad conscience and focus on the most important: the kids!!!

If anyone of you have moved your kids plz feel free to write to me. This situation feels pretty lonely…

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