So close to give up

A young girl struggling with her life, self worth and just couldn’t see the meaning anymore . The pain was tearing her apart. No matter how high the screams or how many tears, she still was in the shadow.

This was me… 11 years old… The very first time I almost killed myself.

I had run away from foster care after another round with abuse. The fear made me run like hell was after me. And that’s what it was living in that home. Every day was a prison with new punishment. The place that was suppose to provide safety and give me a family failed in every thinkable way. They didn’t care for me. The only thing important was to tell me what was wrong with me and that it was my fault.

That day I ran out the door, wearing nothing but thin jacket, sneakers and jeans. It was winter and freezing outside . My mind got in the flight mode.

I stood there at the train station. Waiting… in distance the sound of the whistle made me shiver….

But I wasn’t afraid… Not of dying. I wanted peace and to be free. Free from the fear, pain and constant desperation after someone to save me. When you’re that age and there’s no one to take your hand and tell you it all gonna be ok, the hope will slowly fade. Why should I fight ?

I could see it… the train came closer and closer… I didn’t feel the cold at all. My mind told me to do it… my pain screamed jump!!!! No one is gonna miss you!!!!

……

The train passed and I stood there frozen like a statue. Like something was holding my body and didn’t wanna let go. I was still alive.

Still today I can’t explain why I didn’t die that day. But I know it wasn’t my time. I had to keep fighting and not give the power of my existence to those people. I had to care for me. I had to want to live!!!

Suicide amongst young people are higher than ever. Plz listen. Be there and see them.

All it takes is one person to save a life❤️

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