Many of you can relate to this picture here:
You go to school, then start working, maybe a couple of kids and bam!!! One day you’re sitting there and all is gone. You’re sick! And all you have left is the feeling of being a nobody. Because when you meet someone new, what’s the first thing they ask? Yes it’s : «what do you do for a living?»
And over and over , while the shame grows stronger, you tell them you’re not working.
So you are just home all day and do nothing?
I hate when someone say that. It feels so degrading. And even worse is when they tell you you’re so lucky that can go home all day and do whatever you want. I wasn’t home because I chose to. I had to since my job at the moment was myself. A 24/7 job with no rest, weekends off or vacations. Sleep was a luxury and it took everything I had just to eat and clean.
I missed working. Being a part of something we all need. Feeling of success in any kind of way.
I must admit it’s an amazing feeling to be able to say that I work. For me it’s not paid work, but I contribute, and that’s enough. I’m important . I’ve been working with my hubby for 3 weeks and I must say it’s not a joke. To have those responsibilities and still work on myself is a challenge. I have to make sure every day that I don’t push it to hard. And I try to take breaks and get rest. This is so important since I’m still sick.
My illnesses are still there, but I will live with them and not only exist because of them.
But one thing has changed. I’ve gone from sleeping 3-4 hours at night to almost pass out before 11 pm and can sleep nearly trough the night. My head and body didn’t exactly knew how to handle this new sleeping pattern, so I’m like a zombie in the morning….
But this gives me a good routine. Go to bed early and wake up almost at the same time every day. And yes, the weekends finally feels like weekend again!!! Before every day was the same. My fiancé’s shift was insane, so weekend could be whenever we had to.
The socializing is still a challenge , anxiety is still a bitch and I have mood swings that can give anyone whiplash. But I’m doing it and I haven’t quit. For me that’s a huge victory and it gives me something to work on when the days seem unbearable.
Hopefully it’s not two weeks until my next post, but this busy lady can’t promise anything….
Back to football and my weekend🤗
Have a happy one y’all!!!