Just some thoughts…

As many of you have seen I’ve changed the name of my blog and for me that’s really personal. For many years now I have tried to start living and not just existing. And how do I do that?? I can honestly tell you I still have no idea, but I will crack the code someday.

Ofc I move forward, but so much happens all the time that make me move some steps back again….. I’m low on fuel but my engine still running. And damn I got some real power in me.

For all of you who read my two last post, you know of my loss and that I’m still mourning. But everyday now I get up, fighting my anxiety and all that’s going on in my head…

Here’s some of my thoughts that comes often:

Why do we always think we have all the time in the world??? We don’t know about tomorrow or the day after. Life is now! Today! If you want something then go get it. You might not get it all, but at least you tried….

Who do I want in my life ? I don’t need ppl who doesn’t take time to talk to me, respect me or only want me when it suits them. I’m a forgiving person, but when I’m done I’m done. Don’t say you love me just to leave me when I do or say something you don’t like or approve. I’m all grown up and need ppl who I can rely on…

What makes me happy? I’m not an demanding woman. I’m easy to please , and I can give you so much if you treat me right. I’m also very easy to hurt. An emotional wrack and a lot of baggage. So to make me happy I need to be happy about myself. And I hope I will be better on that point. I want more self confidence and look in the mirror with a smile. To see my kids be happy and be with the man I love is important . Just simply wake up each morning with a smile and make every day count.

Why do I have to go trough all this? Because of my anxiety, depression and my other mental issues, I think this often. Seems so unfair that I can just go out and do what I want. Why I can’t be » normal». Why I have to accept this when I really don’t want to. And it’s a constant struggle that gets fed everyday. Something new comes up and knock me more down.

But you are strong….yes I am!! I can handle so much and still feel so weak… every time something happens I always find a way to get trough it. And I have actually gotten better to aloud myself to be weak. To cry and say that I’m not ok!!! Because I’m not!!

Well, there’s a lot more going on but it would be to much to write and to boring for you all to read;p

Live life today! LiveNotExist!!!


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