Masks and walls…

We all do it!

Either it’s with friends, family or at work ,we all have different ways to show ourselves to other ppl. Choose what to share or not.

When you struggle with anxiety or depression or other mental illnesses, the mask is constant on. Yes you might have a few close ones you show it all to…. or you think you do… But to really show what’s going on in your mind is a struggle. It’s so hard to get the trust and confident to share. And after some time we build up many walls. These walls are not just to keep ppl out. But to keep ourself in!

Every time I know I’m about to face someone and I don’t have full control, both my walls and mask are up and on…. It’s my own comfort prison. Yes I call it a prison, since it’s taking charge on everything.

If something unexpected happens then it’s usually the flight modus …. because then it’s hard to keep the mask on….

To say that you’re fine, good and nothings wrong is always a big lie… But it has become a natural defense , since you don’t wanna be a burden or have to explain(again) why you’re not ok…

Many can say they know you, and they can see you’re not okey. But usually that’s not so true. I can often talk to a lot of ppl and they can’t even see it on my face how I am.

My best friend is the one that actually know me in every way. She can tell from my text, even how I say hi on the phone if somethings not right. She has seen me on my best and my worst days. More than once I have cried my eyes out laying in here lap. Without here I think I would’ve gone under sometimes.

The walls:

Like I said, we all build walls. After many hurtful experiences, disappointments and like we always fail.. the walls get bigger and thicker….

But sometimes, along comes a person that sees the beauty behind the walls. And they don’t try to break them down , but climb them and join you behind.

The only person who can break the walls it’s the one who built them

Yes we get help to build them, and tear them down. But mistrust build them up, and trust tear them down . Actually the hardest for me is to trust myself. That I can handle living without my walls.

Mine are not many now, and not so tall. But this means I get hurt more easy. I take it all in and feel and overthink everything that happens. But I needed to take that chance to start living again!!!

So put away you’re mask and put on your crown!!!!

Xoxo

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