That feeling…. feeling helpless and small… still you have to get back out there and keep on fighting. Where am I gonna take the energy and strength from? So many times I just want to crawl up like a ball and shut out everything.Every bad thought, all the feelings and the constant reminder how my life will be like making me helpless and angry at the same time..
I have wrote before I’m not a quitter !! And that’s correct. But still I have days I’m really close to give up. Lucky for me I’m to stubborn and I have so much to fight for.
The reason I’m writing this now , is that this last two weeks have been so full of ups and downs. I’m all dizzy of everything. Feels like I have no control at all!!! I had two whole days without anxiety and felt so much better . I really thought this long lasting depression was at its end. Well I was really fooled I guess. And I bet that’s why it hit me so hard again.
There’s a lot of changes going on in our life’s now. Some of them good and I’m just being impatient . Others are making me so stressed since I shouldn’t have to deal with it at the first place!!!
When you’re in a place where I’m right now, you try anything to distract yourself. That’s why I have started gaming again. When you don’t work, have your kids and you’re man works weird shifts, you have toga was something to do. Otherwise your mind will really mess you up.
So here I am… tired, angry, depressed and feeling like I have as much control as an 6 year old!! Well, suck it up I say many times. (To myself) And hopefully it will work this time also.
Hope you all having a good evening and if you have any good advice, let me know😉